16.1 Forbearance

 16.1 Forbearance

Question:

What to do when someone hurts us with their words or deeds?

 

Answer:

Like the earth that supports even those who dig it, it is the supreme

 virtue to be patient with those who scorn you.                                                       (Couplet - 151)

Retaliation gives only momentary joy. But forbearance gives

everlasting glory.                                                                                                      (Couplet - 156)

Forgetting the transgressions of others is even better

than forbearance.                                                                                                     (Couplet – 152)

 

அகழ்வாரைத் தாங்கும் நிலம்போலத் தம்மை

இகழ்வார்ப் பொறுத்தல் தலை.                                                                     (குறள் – 151)

பொறுத்தல் இறப்பினை என்றும் அதனை

மறத்தல் அதனினும் நன்று.                                                                           (குறள் – 152)

ஒறுத்தார்க்கு ஒருநாளை இன்பம் பொறுத்தார்க்குப்

பொன்றுந் துணையும் புகழ்.                                                                          (குறள் – 156)

 

Explanation:

The words "forbearance" and "patience" are considered synonyms. But they do not mean exactly the same thing. Forbearance is patient self-control, restraint, and tolerance under provocation, while patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. In other words, forbearance implies patience under provocation, while patience is simply the capacity to tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering where there is no provocation involved.

 

When confronted with insults and harmful actions against us by others, our most natural reaction is to retaliate. Valluvar says it is better to exercise self-control and tolerate their misbehavior. In other words, he recommends forbearance as the preferred approach. Retaliation will lead to more ill feelings and even to violence. Retaliation may provide temporary satisfaction, whereas forbearance will give us lasting happiness and fame. Valluvar cites the earth as an example of forbearance because it supports even those who dig it. An example of extraordinary forbearance can be seen in the Bible. When Jesus Christ was crucified, he prayed to God and asked Him to forgive those who crucified him (Luke 23:34). According to Marcus Aurelius (121 AD – 180 AD), the Roman emperor, "The best revenge is not to copy him who wronged you (Marcus Aurelius, Book VI-6)." Valluvar goes one step ahead of Marcus Aurelius and suggests that forgetting the transgressions of others is even better than forbearance. The question is, "Is forbearance really practical?" and "Can everyone follow Valluvar's advice?" If we are determined and committed to following the path of virtue, though it is difficult, it is not impossible to follow the advice of Valluvar.