11.3 Gratitude
Question:
How do we measure the excellence of help rendered without
expecting anything in return?
Answer:
It
is larger than the ocean if we weigh the excellence of a benefit conferred
without expecting anything return. (Couplet
– 103)
பயன்தூக்கார் செய்த உதவி நயன்தூக்கின்
நன்மை கடலின் பெரிது. (குறள் – 103)
Explanation:
The ocean does a
benefit to the clouds by giving its water. But the clouds return the favor by
rain, and the rainwater eventually goes back to the ocean. So, in a way, the
ocean gets something in return for the benefit it does to the clouds.
Therefore, when a benefit is conferred without any expectation of a return, it
is in some sense, better than the benefit done by the ocean to the clouds. The
excellence of a benefit is not really quantifiable. But, if it can somehow be
quantified, the benefit done without expecting a return is greater than the
benefit done by the ocean to the clouds.
Many years ago, when I was a graduate student at the
University of Cincinnati, I went to India to meet my parents. While I was
there, I got married. After the wedding, I wanted my wife to come with me to
the USA. But the US Consulate in Chennai refused to issue her a visa. After my
return to the USA, through the Immigration and Naturalization Services, I was
able to get a visa for my wife so that she could come to the USA. My wife was
supposed to arrive at the JFK Airport, New York, on a Friday evening in
October. Since it was the first time she had traveled to the USA, I went to JFK
Airport to meet her and accompany her to Cincinnati. On the day of her arrival,
I was at the JFK airport, ready to receive her. As expected, her plane arrived
on time. But she did not come on that plane. I got a call from the Airline
ticket counter asking me to come there. When I reached the counter, they told
me that my wife could not come as scheduled. But she would come on Monday,
provided I could meet her at the JFK Airport. The Airline personnel told me
they were supposed to send a Telex message to my people about my meeting her at
the JFK Airport on Monday.
I went to New York thinking that she would come, and
we both would come to Cincinnati the same day. I was not planning to stay in
New York. At that time, I had two options. One option was to stay in New York
till Monday, receive my wife, and return to Cincinnati with her. The other
option was that I go to Cincinnati and come back to New York on Monday. As a
student, I had limited income and could not afford either option. It suddenly
occurred that I had a distant relative, and I could stay with him till Monday.
I tried to call him. But I could not reach him. In the meantime, the Airline
people kept asking me whether I would be at JFK Airport on Monday. I was
confused, and I was almost at my wit’s end.
At that moment, somebody patted me on my shoulder
and said, “I heard your conversation with the Airline personnel. You look
worried. Can I help you?” I told him my predicament. Immediately, he said to me
that I could stay with him till Monday and meet my wife at the JFK Airport on
Monday. I was hesitant to accept his hospitality and said, “Thank you. But I
don’t want to trouble you.” He mentioned that it was not a problem and he
really wanted to help me at the time like that. I accepted the Good Samaritan’s
offer.
The man who helped me
was an Indian gentleman named David from Tamil Nadu, and he was a Baptist
Minister in New York. David was married to an American lady. The husband and
wife were very kind and hospitable. I enjoyed my stay with them. On Monday,
David’s wife drove me to JFK airport and
was with me till my wife’s arrival. I was truly touched by the kindness and
hospitality of David and his wife. Although I had never helped David in any
way, he volunteered to help me. The help he offered me was timely. When I
thanked him, he kept saying that what he did was a very small favor to a fellow
countryman. It might have been a small thing for him. It was a tremendous help
to me. Also, he helped me without expecting anything in return. I was in touch with him for a few years. Even
after many years, I keep admiring and being enormously grateful for his
tremendous help at a time when I was utterly at a loss as to what to do. This
incidence illustrates all three types of help discussed in this and the two
preceding blogs on Gratitude.
