11.3 Gratitude

 11.3 Gratitude

 

Question:

How do we measure the excellence of help rendered without expecting anything in return?

 

Answer:

It is larger than the ocean if we weigh the excellence of a benefit conferred without expecting anything return.                                                                              (Couplet – 103)

          பயன்தூக்கார் செய்த உதவி நயன்தூக்கின்

நன்மை கடலின் பெரிது.                                                             (குறள் – 103)

Explanation:

The ocean does a benefit to the clouds by giving its water. But the clouds return the favor by rain, and the rainwater eventually goes back to the ocean. So, in a way, the ocean gets something in return for the benefit it does to the clouds. Therefore, when a benefit is conferred without any expectation of a return, it is in some sense, better than the benefit done by the ocean to the clouds. The excellence of a benefit is not really quantifiable. But, if it can somehow be quantified, the benefit done without expecting a return is greater than the benefit done by the ocean to the clouds.

         

Many years ago, when I was a graduate student at the University of Cincinnati, I went to India to meet my parents. While I was there, I got married. After the wedding, I wanted my wife to come with me to the USA. But the US Consulate in Chennai refused to issue her a visa. After my return to the USA, through the Immigration and Naturalization Services, I was able to get a visa for my wife so that she could come to the USA. My wife was supposed to arrive at the JFK Airport, New York, on a Friday evening in October. Since it was the first time she had traveled to the USA, I went to JFK Airport to meet her and accompany her to Cincinnati. On the day of her arrival, I was at the JFK airport, ready to receive her. As expected, her plane arrived on time. But she did not come on that plane. I got a call from the Airline ticket counter asking me to come there. When I reached the counter, they told me that my wife could not come as scheduled. But she would come on Monday, provided I could meet her at the JFK Airport. The Airline personnel told me they were supposed to send a Telex message to my people about my meeting her at the JFK Airport on Monday.

 

I went to New York thinking that she would come, and we both would come to Cincinnati the same day. I was not planning to stay in New York. At that time, I had two options. One option was to stay in New York till Monday, receive my wife, and return to Cincinnati with her. The other option was that I go to Cincinnati and come back to New York on Monday. As a student, I had limited income and could not afford either option. It suddenly occurred that I had a distant relative, and I could stay with him till Monday. I tried to call him. But I could not reach him. In the meantime, the Airline people kept asking me whether I would be at JFK Airport on Monday. I was confused, and I was almost at my wit’s end.

 

At that moment, somebody patted me on my shoulder and said, “I heard your conversation with the Airline personnel. You look worried. Can I help you?” I told him my predicament. Immediately, he said to me that I could stay with him till Monday and meet my wife at the JFK Airport on Monday. I was hesitant to accept his hospitality and said, “Thank you. But I don’t want to trouble you.” He mentioned that it was not a problem and he really wanted to help me at the time like that. I accepted the Good Samaritan’s offer. 

 

          The man who helped me was an Indian gentleman named David from Tamil Nadu, and he was a Baptist Minister in New York. David was married to an American lady. The husband and wife were very kind and hospitable. I enjoyed my stay with them. On Monday, David’s wife drove me to JFK airport and was with me till my wife’s arrival. I was truly touched by the kindness and hospitality of David and his wife. Although I had never helped David in any way, he volunteered to help me. The help he offered me was timely. When I thanked him, he kept saying that what he did was a very small favor to a fellow countryman. It might have been a small thing for him. It was a tremendous help to me. Also, he helped me without expecting anything in return.  I was in touch with him for a few years. Even after many years, I keep admiring and being enormously grateful for his tremendous help at a time when I was utterly at a loss as to what to do. This incidence illustrates all three types of help discussed in this and the two preceding blogs on Gratitude.