79.2 Friendship

 79.2 Friendship

Question:

                Is frequent contact necessary to maintain the friendship?

Answer:

Mutual understanding and identity of feelings alone count for

close friendship, for which constant companionship and

interactions are not really necessary.                                                (Couplet – 785)

 

புணர்ச்சி பழகுதல் வேண்டா உணர்ச்சிதான்

நட்பாங் கிழமை தரும்.                                                                                (குறள் – 785)

 

Explanation:

One would wonder whether intimate and frequent contact is essential for developing and sustaining friendships among two are more people. Valluvar believes frequent meetings and constant companionships are unnecessary to maintain a true friendship. What is really needed is that there should be mutual understanding and love for each other. 

Interestingly, people develop and maintain friendships through correspondence and social media these days without frequent meetings. The friendship between the Tamil King Koperunchozhan and the poet Picir Anthaiyaar is an excellent example of a deep and genuine friendship where the friends never met each other.

King Koperunchozan ruled the Chola kingdom during the 3^rd century AD. The poet was Picir Anthaiyaar, who lived in a town called Picir which was approximately 200 miles away from Uraiyur where king Koperunchozan lived. Although the poet resided in Picir, a town in another country, he always thought Koperunchozan was his king. One day, somebody asked him who the king of his country was. He replied as follows:

If you ask me who my king is, my king rules

a prosperous fine country where laborers drink

filtered, strong, aged liquor and eat cooked

tortoises without limits, their cheeks bulging

 with roasted eels, as they forget their

occupation and celebrate perpetual festivals.

He is enemy to the hunger of bards and their

suffering relatives. He is Koperunchozan of

 Uraiyur, friend of Pothi, with whom he has a

perfect friendship filled with laughter every day. 

                                                (Picir Anthaiyaar, Puranaanuuru – 212)

 

King Koperunchozan had two sons. His sons wanted to overthrow the king and capture power from him. The king’s first reaction was to wage war against his sons. One of the king’s advisors told him not to wage war against his children. The advisor said that if the king were to lose the war, it would be a shame, and if he were to win the war, he would have no heir to his throne. The king gave up the idea of war. But, he was disgusted with the situation and wanted to commit suicide by fasting until death. When he was on his deathbed, he was sure that his friend Picir Anthaiyaar would certainly visit him. Other people around him were not so sure that Picir Anthaiyaar would come to see the king. The king is supposed to have said the following:

. . . . .

He is one who nurtures my life!
When I was rich, he remained there!
He will not stay away in my time of pain!

                                    (Koperunchozan, Puranaanuuru – 215)

The poet Picir Anthaiyaar did come to see the dying king, and he also died along with him. This is an example of true friendship that was based on their love and admiration for each other.